I hate people.

I'm always a second choice. I'm not a wallflower, no. I have friends, I still laugh, I befriend everyone. But the thing is, it hurts when you're number two. All my life I thought that I have a bestfriend. The on who would love me for me. The on who would put everyone behind to make me happy. But I don't actually.

 At one point today at school, I was really really really happy but then I heard that the vice president of our class did this gathering for Eid. She invited everyone, but me. That kinda set my mood from being a happy little sunshine to being that gum under the table without any company.

  My friends who made my day, left me just like that. She just left me inside the classroom and never came back. Not even inviting me to go with her even. I'm really hurt.

  My crush, which happen to be one of the best guys I met, I'm starting to think that he's using me. I was always beside him when he needed advice. For relationships and friends. I thought we would always stay like this forever. When I started to talk to him yesterday, he replied like he doesn't want to talk. Not only yesterday really, it's been like that since I came back from Johor.

  I'm a loner. I'm afraid. I'm useless. I'm not smart. I'm not talented. If committing suicide wasn't a sin, I would consider doing it. Because everything hurts, so much. So, so much.

Hopeless romantic

HAI.

Hopeless romantic. Yes. I am a hopeless romantic. The only thing I want right now is to cuddle and hug someone until I fall asleep or maybe just roll in the grass and talk about life. But I'm a hopeless romantic.

Yes, I get that life isn't a bed of roses and love doesn't come and GI easily.

Unless you're a slut than that's a different story.

Anywhore, you know how an adolescent teenage girl like me is now looking for a love life that's exactly as in the thick love novels like tfios or looking for alaska and all that shits.

It just ain't possible.

No matter how "perfect" your boyfriend is, he won't be coming to your house with a white horse riding to the sunset, he's going to come with ugly trousers and a fucking flower, and that's adorable if you ask me.

I'd rather have flowers on my head than diamonds around my neck.

That's it, I'm not in the mood to type more.

Sayonara amigos.

Convent girls

Listen to our moto guiding us as we go, simple in our virtue steadfast in our work, let the kindly counsels take it to your heart, simple in virtue loyal and true live god with all your heart.

For those of you who are girls and fabulous, you may know this song. Well, maybe its not the same in every convent school there is but tada you guessed it, its a convent school song.

What I wanted d to share today is the characteristics of most convent girls.

First of all, drama.

Don't tell me your school don't have them because every school does. Especially girls' schools.

Imagine being stuck in a school of 1000+ girls which half of them are in their PMS at the same time.

HAHA ITS NOT SOMETHING TO JOKE ABOUT AYEEEEE.

Yes, there will be dramas here, but not as many as you expected. Just a lot of fangirling and screaming around, nothing weird at all.

And you may also think that being on a girls' school, we will act like thus most of the time:

Expectations: "Hey babe, oh my god I love your nails are they polished and omg are you wearing extent ions to school, you are such a bitch! Love you baby kisses kisses."

You're terribly wrong. I, as a convent student will tell you what we tell most of the time.

Reality: "Hoi, come here you little shit. You didn't finish your homework ah? Walao, I wanted to copy you know. Why you bojio me go JJ with that bitch lah? You want me to smack your ass is it?"

Something like that.

And as a school with no boys, we grow carrying heavy weight. Who is going to carry all the chairs upstairs to the third floor? We do. Who is going to help the teacher arrange the tables for events? We do.

I would love to tell you guys more but as an Asian student studying in Convent, I must study my ass off for exams.

Sayounara amigos.

The Fault In Our Stars

This book though.
THIS EFFIN BOOK THOUGH.
THIS MOTHEREFFIN BOOK THOUGH.

A love story like this, would be perfect. This is the ideal romance that girls would want. Not to buy us an effin ferari no. Its to shower us with loads of love.

As you can see, my blog is too lovable and heartsy its just like the book. I'm into this book more than I'm into myself. Things you can learn from this book are splendid.

For example, you can see that if you treat a girl like a princess, she will treat you back like a porn star. Trust me, this is true. They both have Cancer in this book. The hero knows that he's going to die soon. But did they stop from making love and fucking each other? No they didn't.

Besides, the free things in life are the best.

Let me suggest books for you guys to read, a teen love book to be exact. So this book can teach all you dumbass hopeles romantice out there how to get some pussays and cocks ((no i'm just kidding)) but continue reading;

-The Fault In our Stars by John Green

This book tells you about a girl named Hazel Grace who met a guy (with an unlit cigaratte) at this support group. I would tell you further but no spoilers. Oh yes, and if you are planning to watch this movie pls read the book first and be prepared also pls bring 82951 boxes of tissues.

-Looking for Alaska by John Green

Also one of his books, which also broke my heart. The thing to this book is that it tells a true story about boarding schools. Its a must read.

-Scrambled Eggs at Midnight by Barkley and Hepler

No hate but I must say the beginning of this book was kind of slow but when you get to the romantic part, I just. Your heart will bloom into 101 roses. Its beautiful.

-The Boy On Cinnamon Street by (( I forgot who lol ))

This book is waaay to cheesy haha. If you are more to the adult romantic don't read this book. This is like a book for teenagers like me. Not for ya'll who reads 50 shades of grey.

-Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion

Maybe some of you know this book as a movie. But this book is amazingly cute although kind of disgusting because you know, zombies, brains, blood, idk. But it's cute. I recommend you to read this.

Well that's all I got for now.

Sayounara amigos.

What girls want in a relationship, actually.

Shout out to all the confused boys out there, stressing out about why your girlfriends are sulking and moaning and yelling while they are not in bed with you.

Firstly, I'm not saying that girls are perfect in a relationship and all and they ever cheat and all, no. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that non-bitchy girls out there, including myself, are not moaning for branded clothes and credit cards.

You know what we want actually? We want you. We want your feeling. We want you to text us good night and good morning. No we don't want long paragraphs saying how much you love us in 101 letters. Just a simple "goodnight, lovely." "good morning, beautiful." just that.

Here's another thing, when we say we want surprises we don't mean by "BUY ME A FUCKING FERRARI OR I'LL CUT YOUR HEAD OFF," as far as I check, nope. By that we meant something like, you can show up with a flower you picked from a field or even a rock written with our name on it or if you're that lazy, just show up with your damn lips and kiss us unexpectedly.

Okay fuck this I'll just show you what an ideal boyfriend for normal girls like me would want;

-You need to be an open book. Stop keeping secrets. We don't care if you wear One Direction boxers. Tell us. There's no need for secrets.
-Carry us, kiss us unexpectedly, throw us in muds, do something fun.
-Be romantic, plan a date in a ferris wheel. That'll be perfect.
-Never break our hearts, its a fragile thing.
-Kiss us in the rain.
-When we're on our period, don't go away, don't be scared, pamper us. Cuddle with us for long night movies.
-When we say, "lets go to my room," its not always meant by having sex, it means something like, lets lay down, talk to each other, shower us with kisses, hug us, tell s you love us.

I could go on with this list forever. But remember that the little things you say and do could mean the world to us.

Be careful with her heart.

Sayounara amigos.

I CAN'T BAKE. /.\

Today, being the very very very hardworking chef I am, I decided to cook. Not cook, exactly, I baked. Then I don't know if some baking fairy shot my head with this crazy idea, I was determined to make Pavlova.

YES THE GOOIY FLUFFY WHITE SWEET AND LIGHT THING MADE OUT OF EGG WHITE AND SUGAR MIXED TOGETHER AND BAKED.

Somehow, I looked through the internet and did what it exactly said. I beat the eggs lightly. Pour the sugar a little at a time (for an impatient person like me that's some hard shit to do). I even placed it at 120 celcius for an hour. From outside the oven it looked brown-ish and fluffy. My mouth was watering like hell.

Yes, I had those moments of yes-i-can-bake-im-so-talented. I bit the crunchy outside of the so called Pavlova. I was so grateful I made it. It tasted amazing. Then, I decided to peek and taste the inside.

WHAT HAPPENED YOU ASK?

It was fluffy alright, it smells gross, it looks gross, and being the idiot I am I tasted it. I almost puked. It tasted like eggs mixed with sugar (that's what it basically is though). It was a total disaster. Wasted 3 eggs and 4 tablespoons of sugar. I'm just going to face-palm myself now.

Sayounara Amigos.

The right career to happiness.

AMIGOS WHAT'S IT DOING?

Alright, I'm going to be 16 in August which means I'm gonna be out from school in 1 year time holler! This is some amazing shit yet frightening. I've always wanted to graduate and get out of school. Being in an all girls school where 400+ girls are on their period every single day, that shit's uncool.

But at the same time, I'm afraid. I mean, if I get out of school my mom's going to kick my butt into university. No more shouting;
"MOM WHERE IS MY UNIFORM!"
"MOM I'M HUNGRY CAN YOU MAKE ME A SANDWICH PLEASE?"
"MOM CAN I SLEEP IN YOUR ROOM TONIGHT I'M SCARED OF THE BOOGY MONSTER."

And all those typical mom stuff.
In this case what I'm most afraid is that will I make a good choice for my career?
Of course, you know, schools will have all these programs about not worrying and studying hard so that we can always make the perfect choice of our future.

What are you babbling about dude you're getting boring.

I'm not babbling okay. This is some serious motherfucking shit right here. If you don't choose the right career then you're going to be all frustrated for the next 40 years, probably, of your life.

If you were me, I would tell you that my choice of career must be nothing to do with Science and Mathematics. Can't even cope with the subjects. My ideal career would be something like;

-Literature Lecturer.
-Novelist. (Something like John Green because that dude's fab.)
-Somewhere in the Theater business. (The person who acts or write I mean.)
-WHATEVER CAREER THERE IS NOT INVOLVING SCIENCE AND MATH EVENTUALLY.

You're probably thinking, what course am I taking, or maybe not, I'm thinking of taking Literature and Modern English in Oxford University. Why?

1. Because my aunt lives nearby and my cousins rule that place.
2. Because I have a high reputation. NO I'M JUST KIDDING.
3. Because I want a smart-cute-nerdy-clumsy British boyfriend *cough* Harry Styles *cough*

Anyways that's it, ask me questions if you want. (I mean don't I'm not good at this.)

Sayounara Amigos.

BOYS THOUGH

You know what's worst then having your crush thinking that you're annoying? Nothing. Well I wan't 100% sure that he thinks I'm annoying but the fact that he didn't reply my facebook inbox makes me think that he thinks I'm annoying.

AND NO SMILEYS?

Shit's getting serious.
IMAGINE TALKING TO A GUY WITH NO SMILEYS.
NO. NOPE. NAH. NER.

The thought that he likes me back is fading away. I was so happy when he replied me with such long texts and now I don't know. As my last post said, Love is confusing. You never know what he truly feels inside. And of course, boys, with their ego, they'll never tell us their feelings.

As a typical teenage girl, I will always leave clues to them hat I actually like them. For example;

Me: I would do anything for Starbucks.
Him: Why Starbucks?
Me: Starbucks is cure for all, my man.

SEE THE HINT? MY MAN?
Seriously, what girl calls every boy their man. How could you not get the hint there, dear?

The cool thing is, I didn't expect that he would replied something like;

I'm the top he's he bottom.

HE LITERALLY CALLED ME HIS WOMAN.
I NEED AIR BECAUSE CUTENESS OVERLOAD.

He's 17 I'm 16 it works out.

And most certainly did not expect this one too;

HE'S THE TOP I'M THE BOTTOM.
((It sounds so wrong))

But seriously how many guys would say that if he doesn't like you or you're not his best friend?
Lost in confusion like an illusion.

SAYOUNARA AMIGOS.

Love is confusing I must say.

Yes, love is confusing I must say. In fact love is funny, its stupid yet lovely at the same time. Love is like sitting on a bed of roses but being stabbed by a murderer while in that bed you get what I mean? You're probably thinking; "Oh monkey love only laaah. Its not even going to last meh. Stop perasaning!" Guess what biatches, you're wrong. You all are.

Scientific investigation shows that 60% of human beings have met the love of their lives at the age of 15.

"HOW COULD YOU BELIEVE IN SUCH CRAP?"

Because it isn't a crap. It's a fact. I've seen so many happy couples who got married due to their teenage love. And sometimes I wonder if I have met him too. As far as being a teenager I have experienced lots of moment in "being in love" and crushes" and sorts. Its a lovely yet heartbreaking stupid thing.

And by now what I think is I have met him. He's what I'm looking for, exactly. Basically our mind is one. He's weird I'm weird. He's stupid I'm stupid. But the thing is, he likes someone else and that just breaks me. Although I don't know for the fact that his crush on that girl were real and deep like what I'm feeling.

Yes I'm just imagining stuff.

Whatever though. It's my feelings not yours. Somehow, Taylor Swift's songs, fifteen and you belong with me, speaks to me. The song understands me. Understands what I'm feeling.

I don't know, love is confusing.

Sayounara amigos.

Fangirling™

Fangirling is almost everything to me. It's like 90% of my life. Okay? Okay. I think all girls in this world have their fangirling issues. Okay maybe its just me I don't know DON'T JUDGE ME. I know what you're thinking.

"Eleh, you're only gonna be fangirling to hot boys who can't even sing."

Actually I don't. I fangirl over girls too. Like this anime-like Form 2 girl in my school. Last year I was so obsessed I literally stayed back until 4 to stalk her like wtf Adriana is you crazy? Yes I am.

I also fangirl to animals such as my adorable cats, Momot and Pachi (Spicy) as we call them.

The white one is Spicy aka the mischivous cat who like to jump and cause trouble. The furry chocolate one is Momot aka the one who likes to lay back and do nothing.

And I also have a fangirling issue when it comes to my crush. I like the nerdy stupid goofy cute kinda guy. No, not only ones with glasses. I really mean it by nerdy. Hell yes. In fact my current crush is also nerdy but that's another issue.

Guess that's it.

SAYOUNARA AMIGOS.