I'm always a second choice. I'm not a wallflower, no. I have friends, I still laugh, I befriend everyone. But the thing is, it hurts when you're number two. All my life I thought that I have a bestfriend. The on who would love me for me. The on who would put everyone behind to make me happy. But I don't actually.
At one point today at school, I was really really really happy but then I heard that the vice president of our class did this gathering for Eid. She invited everyone, but me. That kinda set my mood from being a happy little sunshine to being that gum under the table without any company.
My friends who made my day, left me just like that. She just left me inside the classroom and never came back. Not even inviting me to go with her even. I'm really hurt.
My crush, which happen to be one of the best guys I met, I'm starting to think that he's using me. I was always beside him when he needed advice. For relationships and friends. I thought we would always stay like this forever. When I started to talk to him yesterday, he replied like he doesn't want to talk. Not only yesterday really, it's been like that since I came back from Johor.
I'm a loner. I'm afraid. I'm useless. I'm not smart. I'm not talented. If committing suicide wasn't a sin, I would consider doing it. Because everything hurts, so much. So, so much.
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